Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A Dive, or not a Dive (bar)

I’m sitting at the bar in Allston’s Deep Ellum attempting to describe to my girlfriend what this joint used to look like. I think it was called Murphy’s, a Bud bottle kinda place - I don’t believe they even had a tap line. What I do remember were the naked women tiles circa 1946 in the men’s room. Classy. Do I miss the place? – not really. The old man bartender/owner was nice and all, but I’ll take the current owner's cocktail mastery over the dreariness that once stood in the same spot. Not to mention that the Model Cafe is right next door and I think this place is/was/used to be a dive. See – this is where I’m confused. Can a bar still be considered a dive if it’s had some remodeling or recently or added big-ass flat screens? And what about food – can a dive serve food, even if it’s just fried crap?

Down the street a little sits O’Brien’s – a couple years ago it was simply a dirty rock and roll club. Today it’s a clean rock club filled with dirty rockers. My first visit to this dump was spectacular. A couple buddies and I went out for a Saturday afternoon bike ride and rolled into O’Brien’s mid afternoon for a thirst quencher. Everyone in the place was lookin’ good and tight, including the staff. A small argument began between the cocktail waitress and a female patron. We weren’t paying much attention – trying not to look the beast in the eye, so to speak. When I did look over I saw the first roundhouse making its way to the waitress’s throat. She retaliated with a right hook and a full on brawl was engaged smack dab in the middle of the bar. We didn’t get involved for obvious reasons, but were a little stunned that no one else did either. The two battling Betty’s must have traded blows for a full ninety seconds before they hit the ground and the bartender finally came over and pulled them apart. We were speechless, but no one else seemed to care – like it was a daily occurrence and a simple nuisance. The waitress went back to work like nothing happened, the patron went back to her gin and tonic and we got the hell out of there. That’s what I expect from a dive bar.

If I had to pick a dive in Allston today I’d have to give the nod to the Silhouette Lounge. No fancy new interior design here – the joint’s most prominent feature is a sticky popcorn machine. Which is nice, ‘cause I’m not sure I’d want to know what the place smells like without it. But who cares – it’s about pitchers of beer, mixed drinks in pint glasses, darts and pool in here. This “lounge” is often filled with Brazilians at 5pm and replaced by hipsters at 10pm.

Where have all the dive bars gone…maybe we just need a good recession (ha), let a few neighborhoods go to shit and reap the divey rewards. Although even the toniest of neighborhoods, Beacon Hill, still has a place where you can drink during the day and not feel guilty – or know that it’s daytime. The Beacon Hill pub just won’t ever go away. Smothered between antique shops and European style bistros – I don’t think the Beacon Hill Association wants this place to have windows. The BHP has somehow managed to maintain the same stale beer smell for the last 15 years. It’s cheap, dark and overall is great place to do something you might later regret.

I will say this about dive bars – they’re the best place to watch a game on TV. I don’t want to watch a sox game next to a couple pink hats drinking mudslides. Know what I’m saying? I want to be sitting next to a guy that picked up Carl Yazstremski in a cab one night after a bender still wearing his cleats. Remember what the bleachers in Fenway Park were like 20 years ago – you can still get that kind of look and feel at a couple places near the Garden. The Penalty Box is a good place to go if you’ve been bad. It features cheap beer and is right across from the Garden on Causeway – and that’s pretty much it. Rumor had it they went for years without a liquor license. Don’t go in there and try and be a tough guy - it’s just not worth it. Baseball bats and heads have collided in this place. The other neighborhood dive is Sullivan’s. It’s a place where green clover tattoos and bud bottles never go out of style. A plain white wife beater is year round attire for boys and girls.

I’ll keep doing my painstaking research for you, my dedicated reader.

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